ColourChromatic

. . . The worst thing about depression is that it forces us to feel powerless to escape the self-fulfilling prophecy of our own unhappiness. You have to make a conscious effort to prove depression wrong. When it says that you don’t have confidence, you have to defy it. You have to say, “Fuck you, Depression. I can do this.” Even if you don’t really believe it, you have to conduct yourself as if you do. Soon enough, Depression will lose it’s grip over you. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll still be depressed, but you’ll have learned to work around it. . . . I never said that you could [will yourself out of it]. You learn to live with the [chemical] imbalance. A man who is missing a leg can’t will his leg to grow back, but he can teach himself to live with one leg. That’s what you must do with depression. When you feel as if you simply cannot act, you must act anyway. You must say to your inner sense of dread, “FUCK YOU. I WILL DO THIS.” Depression is more than just sadness. Sadness is something that everyone faces. Sadness is an aspect of depression, but not the totality. Depression makes it difficult to feel positively about future prospects. Depression makes it difficult to emotionally invest in anything, even things that once held your interest. Depression makes you miserably lonely but makes you feel unable/unwilling to seek out human contact. Nothing feels right. Everything feels like it doesn’t matter and yet matters more than anything. You feel too depressed to do things and then you feel depressed about the things you didn’t do. It’s vicious. It’s cyclic. It’s unrelenting. It goes much deeper than mere pessimism or sadness. It’s a form of psychological paralysis. You feel crippled inside. And no one else can see it. No one sees the invisible barrier that prevents you from being who you want to be. Even these words truly fail to capture how it feels. Only those who have experienced it or are currently experiencing it will truly understand. Don’t believe anyone who tells you that you are powerless. Find your passion. Only passion can defeat depression. I’m sure that part of the reason why I am so quick to anger is because I have to wear that rage on my sleeve. Otherwise the ennui will begin to dig it’s tendrils in, sucking out life, pumping in lethargy. Fuck that. You have power. All of your thoughts are chemical. You can think your way out of depression. Don’t get me wrong. It never goes away. Your battle will never be over. But you can confine the beast to some small corner of your mind and spit in its face when it tries to sing you back into a somnolent stupor.

[12:18:03 PM] Christine Elizabeth: sjdflkasjdfs

I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.

Daniel: I really like you but I can't be the Invisible Man. I'm tired of being the shoulder. I want to be another body part. I want to use up a woman, so she's ruined for all other men.

Fucking psycho.

Ask her to 1v1 me in counter strike knives only. If she wins, she gets you.

I might love you a little bit. Is that okay?

Our Skype calls.