CHEH

1. Seek to focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want: A mistake we tend to make when we’re faced with a problem is to think and talk about it all the time - instead of focusing our thinking on what we want instead.

2. Recognise that every problem comes with a lesson: There’s a lesson to be learned from all that happens to us. We can become a better person, even when things have gone wrong.

3. Don’t believe everything you think: Our problems aren’t as big as the mind tries to convince us. Don’t believe all those negative and self-defeating thoughts.

4. Choose to be grateful in everything: Although it’s hard to be grateful when things are going wrong, we can usually find something we can be grateful for - and the more we choose gratitude, the happier we’ll feel.

5. Let go of your need for perfection: If you try to be perfect in everything you do, you will always feel you’re failing, and you’ll live with constant stress.

6. Let go of resistance: Accept things as they are - you don’t always have to change them. Life’s shouldn’t to be a fight.

Learn a new language you’ve always wanted to speak

Learn how to improve your makeup skills

Update your wardrobe

Watch movies about women traveling and finding themselves

Start a blog

Do research on a topic you’re interested in

Make a YouTube channel

Change your color palette

Go thrifting often

Discover new music

Read books about self-improvement

Learn a new skill

Update your room decor

Go on dates by yourself

Create full playlists for your different moods

Read fictions to give yourself a mental escape

Clean spaces in your home that you’ve avoided cleaning

Start journaling and writing down what you’re thankful for

Become a skin care enthusiast

Do research on taking proper care of your body

Clean out your closet

Organize different spaces in your home

Peanut Butter Energy Balls

Follow for recipes

*Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts. What you are about to read is not required of anyone, and may not be for you! Just opinions from yours truly, TheVirgoDoll. 

In this day and age, it is, seemingly, rare to come across examples of black women who are perceived as graceful and poised, rather than aggressive and mean due to oppressive ideals.  So many people put white women on a pedestal of ultra femininity, grace, and poise. I’m sick of the implications that black women somehow naturally lack those things, so I have laid out examples disputing the fact. I want to promote black women in a positive light, that’s all!

Poise.

A woman with poise is someone who exudes a warm sense of confidence.

Let’s begin with the textbook definition of poise.

Poise - n. graceful and elegant bearing in a person.

Examples of this would be:

Clair Huxtable (Phylicia Rashad) of “the Cosby Show” (analyzing the FICTIONAL character only, not affiliation with real life actor Bill Cosby)

Aaliyah, late R&B singer and actress

Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) of “Scandal”

Dominique Deveraux (Diahann Carroll) of Dynasty (1980s)

So how would one mimic these examples of poise in day to day life? Here are four tips that I have come up with, and that I use on a day to day basis. 

1. Keep your composure.

As far as this fictional character, you never caught her slippin. 

When anyone was out of order when speaking to them, there was always a witty response, rather than vengeful. 

See Clair Huxtable’s response to a misogynistic comment in her home for an example on composure. She was graceful, while putting Elvin in his place. Gathered him, read him for filth, all while keeping her composure. Not a tear shed, and not a hair out of place.

2. Speak with clarity.

You would never be confused when these women speak. There’s no insecure mumbling involved, and their words are never delivered too quickly. It’s always at the right pace.

I’ve always admired Aaliyah’s speaking voice. It’s clear and gentle. She also enunciated every time she was in an interview.

See two of my favorite Aaliyah speaking examples: x, x. 

3. Carry yourself with dignity and pride.

Posture is everything with a woman with poise. Being musically trained as a child, I always had to sit on the edge of my seat, with my back straight. I applied this posture to my walking stride and it has paid off tremendously. 

Your walk means everything with how you carry yourself. 

A few tips I have are:

Keeping your arms to your sides when practicing your walk. Helps if you are carrying your purse!

Never walking too quickly, or too slowly. Too quickly compromises your walk, too slowly makes you try too hard. This ain’t a slo mo.

Remember Cheetah Girls “Strut”? Strut like you mean it, for real, but do not look like the girls from middle school switching your butt too hard. 

Maintain good back posture, elongate, and the rest will follow. Once you have your posture down, be sure to hold your head up high. My momma always told me to never look down at the ground. Ever. No matter what happened that day.

Act like your neck is coming out of a turtle shell. That’s something that Tyra says. If you are sulking, it will not be read as a woman who knows she is one of a kind. 

Olivia Pope. Walking proudly in heels every day too (not a requirement). If you haven’t watched Scandal, Kerry was groundbreaking as a black woman on Primetime. 

4. Work on your confidence!

Lastly, your self confidence that comes from within will do most of the work for you. When you’re confident within yourself, you will naturally embody the qualities YOU value. 

Dress and look your best. It helps, even when you don’t feel your best. Whatever that means for you. For me, that means some natural makeup: gloss, minimal eye makeup, foundation, and blush. And I use my small jewelry pieces to compliment this, such as my silver Tiffany necklace.

Look at how Dominique looks her best, and acts her best, despite being faced with an enemy.

Look at how confident Halle Berry was this night. Ignore Leno being gross. 

what is logic?

when i say logic, i mean the logic that pushes us away from imagining big things or believing in miracles. if you think it's logical for miracles to happen because with god everything is possible, then your type of logic is the root for all the greatness but that's not the definition 99% of people have. much like the word failure, it's all in your head and how you view it, but we're talking about how the majority view it.

it's proven by science that children imagine more often and have a more powerful imagination system. why? because they don't know logic yet. as they grow older, through school and their "logical" parents, they start to understand what logic is. they look at people around them and build logic. this logic starts to shape their subconscious mind and faith. logic is why we doubt. logic kills our faith, therefore we don't imagine the illogical. the crazy part is, nothing about this universe is logical. we see illogical things everyday, but we're so used to them, we take them for granted. instead of noticing alllll illogical things around us, we notice and believe "logical" MAN made stuff such as you can't be rich if you're poor or you'll never marry a beautiful/handsome because you're ugly. what is so logical about a tiny tiny sperm becoming a 7ft NBA player? Or a 50ft whale? the amount of illogical things around us outnumbers "logical" things by trillions (made up # but you get the point).

did you know a molecule can exist at two different locations at the same time? think of yourself being present at two different locations at the same time. no scientists can explain how it works, and also means there's no such a thing as time. you know how crazy that is? do you know why your mind is blown by it the first time you heard it? because it's tooo illogical, like how ???

those are universal illogical examples. humans have done lots of illogical things as well, just like god. go back to 1500s and tell people about our technology today, tell them you can get to the other part of the world within hours in planes (will be minutes in near future), tell them about sending a message in less than a second. no one would believe you because logic at the time won't let them. if I tell you one day you'll teleport to mars within seconds, will you believe me? no, because logic won't let you. the exact reason why people in 1500s won't believe a word you say about our today's technology. you know who the people behind our today's technology are? illogical people, 0.001% (made up number again) who didn't listen to "ohhhh that's impossible because my stupid logic tells me so .. a thing that flies in the air and carries 300 people?? you're too delusional, go back to milking cows". if these scientists & inventors were logical, we'd never see such technology and improvement.

young children are clean and fresh, don't have responsibilities, have lots of free time, don't know logic yet hence they imagine and imagine big and vividly, powerful imagination system. we are older and trained, lots of responsibilities, we know logic, who the hell has time to imagine, it's just a waste of time imagining illogical things, right? but that imagination is exactly the reason why we have evolved. you know why neville says god is our imagination? because with your imagination you can create anything you want, or destroy anything you want, you can build heavens, you can destroy the sun right now in your imagination. i stopped for a second and built me a flying car in that took me to tokyo in 4 minutes, then slapped a big t-rex in the face and watched him fly out of the world. that's god, I did the "impossible". maybe this is what separates human from animals. god gave us his power (imagination). when you think about it, logic is satan. logic makes you doubt in god. anything that makes you doubt in god is satan. satan has zero power, if you believe satan has even a tiny bit of power, you don't believe in god. if you believe in evil eye and a bunch of superstitious bullshit, you don't believe in god. you think bill gates or jeff bezos were pushed back because of evil eye of others?

through out the years, the “elites” of the world have separated us from god through logic, and it's not about money. It's about power and control, they have all the money in the world already. now swap logic with illogical, "i can't get a nice job because i don't have a degree ? how stupid and illogical is that, with god anything is possible, he created this crazy ass universe but he's gonna have hard time finding me my dream job" this type of logic is man made, it's satanic, it'll make you not try new things, it'll make you give up the first time you "fail" (no such a thing as failure), it'll make you doubt god, it'll make you not dream and imagine big, it'll make your life miserable if think logically.

Something to think about …

PERFECTION GUARANTEES FAILURE. Perfection is not a target, it’s an excuse we tell ourselves to stay the way we are. By making the choice to eat perfectly or poorly, you’ll always choose poorly because you know you can’t hit perfection. Perfection is not a real standard, it’s setting you up for failure. And then you make one bad choice during the day and you think the day is ruined and you may as well start again tomorrow because today wasn’t perfect.

PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION. Focus on making small improvements. Make the goal one step ahead of where you are now, and then when you hit that move it one step further again. You’ll start to build momentum and soon enough you’ll be living the life that you dream of…

✅Tag a friend who needs to see this! 👀👇👇

1. Remind yourself that you are not who other people think or say you are.

2. Remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes at times, has areas of weakness, and things they want to change.

3. Remind yourself of ways in which you’ve grown and changed with time. You’re not who you once were - so celebrate how far you’ve come.

4. Also, the ending isn’t written and the future isn’t fixed. You’re free to change your image, and an old identity.

5. Identify the lies you have believed about yourself – and work on changing them so they’re more accurate and true. Also, don’t reinforce those lies by acting like you think they’re true.

6. Remember that your feelings are not the same as facts. Don’t live based on your feelings … as that will keep you trapped.

[December 20th, 2014] – Christmas, now available in Black!

I’m Dreaming of a Black Christmas presented by magnacarterholygrail

tracklisting:

1. Jackson 5 - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus 2. Donny Hathaway - This Christmas 3. Musiq Soulchild - Christmas Tree 4. Kanye West, Vado, Teyana Taylor, Cam'Ron, Big Sean, Pusha T, Cyhi the Prynce, Musiq, & Jim Jones - Christmas In Harlem 5. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You  6. Betty Carter & Ray Charles - Baby, It’s Cold Outside 7. Stevie Wonder - Someday At Christmas 8. Whitney Houston - O Holy Night 9. Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song 10. Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby 11. Johnny Mathis - It’s Beginning To Look Alot Like Christmas 12. James Brown - Santa Claus, Go Straight To The Ghetto 13. Temptations - Silent Night 14. Jackson 5 - Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer 15. Run DMC - Christmas in Hollis 16. Vanessa Williams - Do You Hear What I Hear (Live) 17. B2K - Why’d You Leave Me On Christmas 18. B.B. King - Merry Christmas Baby 19. Diana Ross - It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Live) 20. John Coltrane - My Favorite Things 21. Destiny’s Child - 8 Days of Christmas 22. Sammy Davis, Jr. - It’s Christmas Time All Over the World 23. Lena Horne - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 24. Ludacris - Ludacrismas 25. Stevie Wonder - What Christmas Means To Me 26. Boyz II Men - Let It Snow 27. Whitney Houston & Bobbi Kristina - Little Drummer Boy 28. Jim Jones ft. Stack Bundles - If Everyday was Xmas 29. Usher - Comin’ Home For Xmas 30. The Ronettes - Sleigh Ride 31. Jackson 5 - Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town 32. Destiny’s Child - Carol Of The Bells a.k.a. Opera Of The Bells 33. Luther Vandross - Mistletoe Jam (Everybody Kiss Somebody) 34. Ella Fitzgerald - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! 35. Afroman - 12 J’s of X-mas 36. Louis Armstrong - Christmas Night In Harlem 37. Jim Jones - Dipset Xmas Time 38. Marvin Gaye - I Want To Come Home For Christmas 39. Jackson 5 - Give Love On Christmas Day 40. Whitney Houston - Who Would Imagine A King

download it HERE! (link updated 12/6/2020, thanks once again to @that-one-black-guy-who for helping me recover these files!)