ill cry

this spell is made for attracting romantic love into your life. it will help you draw a potential s/o to you (or you to them). please keep in mind, this is not meant to be used on a particular person, since it could mess with their free will and i’m not supporting that.

you’ll need:

- a glass vial/bottle/jar (preferably small, so you can carry it in your bag or something)

- pink or white candle

- red rose petals (associated with love, romance)

- mint leaf (associated with clarity of mind and attraction (esp. sexual)

- salt (repelling negative energies)

- honey (associated with sweetness and Aphrodite, it’s also antibacterial)

- moon water (optional, i like to use it for additionally charging my spell jars)

- piece of paper and a pen

- you can use rose quartz or garnet to power the spell additionally

instructions:

- if you do it: set your circle or ask a deity to help you (i personally asked Aphrodite since she’s the goddess of love and i’ve worked with her before)

- light the candle with the intent of attracting love

- put the rose, mint and salt in your vial

- on the piece of paper write the character traits you want in a lover (try to make it rather general and brief, not too specific and not with a specific person in mind) roll it and put it in the jar

- put honey and moon water in the vial

- close it and meditate on it for a while. think about the feelings you want to attract into your life.

- when you’re done, seal the vial/jar with wax from the candle you lit before. while doing that say This vial will help me attract good love into my life.*you can call on the deity you’re working with* The wax will contain the spell inside, once the seal is broken, so is the spell. This is my will, so may it be.

- Thank the deity, snuff the candle and you’re done:-)

Thomas :

Logan:

September 3rd has arrived and I am Here to celebrate Joan for Joan Appreciation Day! Because they are so talented and intelligent and deserve all the love and appreciation.

Joan works so flipping hard?? They do so much background work for the videos we know and love, and I am constantly amazed by them. 

They have a great understanding of quality story-telling. Their encouragement to Thomas to “trust the audience” when they were writing the script and filming Moving On parts 1 and 2 is something I am still learning how to do but they did so, so well?

A lot of what we currently love about the Sides wouldn’t even exist without Joan having joined the writing team with Thomas: the Sides having names being just one example of many.

Joan is to thank for some of our favorite lines, too! (”E equals MC Scared” I know is definitely Joan’s doing haha)

On top of that, they write songs??? And they’re amazing. Both “The Things We Used to Share” and “On the Borderline” were written by Joan and I honestly can’t flipping wait for the EP Thomas has been hinting at because their music is so good?? (and also can be hilarious; Joan wrote the songs in the Tweet Tunes video)

JOAN IS HILARIOUS in general I mean any video they’re in they usually make me laugh at least once they are a gem

Joan took the lead, I believe, on the design of Deceit. And to be honest, regardless of how you morally feel about Deceit as a person/concept, Deceit’s character design is brilliantly nuanced. I mean, the whole concept of him being about the lies we tell ourselves even more than the lies we tell others?? I wrote a whole rant about how much I think Deceit’s character is just brilliantly executed but the amount of thought that went into him just still amazes me and I love it?? I can’t wait but am also scared to know what other Dark Sides they’ve got in the works, because I know Joan said their favorite is yet to make an appearance.

Joan’s acting holy smokes. Elliot is such a complex character with snark and depth and emotion and I love them (Elliot) but so much of that is because of how wonderfully Joan is able to convey those complicated feelings and thoughts as Elliot like whoa

Also, they’re so reassuring and kinda inspiring in some of the things they say. Example A: “If the people around you tell you that you’re wrong for identifying the way that you do, they have no right to say that. You are the expert on yourself. You get to tell people who you are. They don’t get to tell you who you are. You’re human. And if wherever you’re from is going in a direction that doesn’t agree with who you are, that doesn’t erase you. Your voice still matters.”

Also, they’re so incredibly dedicated. Like, can we not forget that they helped edit “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?” (animating Roman’s part of it on top of all the other edits and such that they had to do for such an edit-heavy video) while recovering from invasive surgery? 

So, in summary:

Nightmares can be dangerous sometimes

Yeah, Baby Just Ignore What I Have To Say; Because I’m Just A Dirty Liar Through & Through At The End Of The Day.

General ramblings:

Have some Analogical

With a dash of implied Lolo angst

*click*

I’ve arrived with more angst because I like being in pain and I want people to suffer with me

Okay, so yet again, I think that there’s a moment of the Crofters- The Musical, we’re not talking much about. 

Remember that Angsty Cut Out Roman that got all of us screaming? Well, I went frame by frame through what happened later and let me tell you- I came up with a very interesting theory but let’s starts from the beginning.

I think at this point we all agree that there’s a serious angst going on in Roman’s character. He’s clearly dealing with something, and I don’t mean only the fact that he didn’t get his own jam but that’s not important here. What is important though is the way Roman says it.

At first it reminded me a little bit of The Office but then I remembered that Ro has already done The Office cut and it looked completely different. So I did some digging and searching inside my head because I just knew that the view of a character talking to himself, being turned around from the rest of the actors reminds me of something. *beep beep beeep* 

Bingo! The classical theatre. 

Now we all know that Roman is a huge geek. Theatre, musical? That’s his jam. We do know that he’s the one who stands on the stage with Thomas whenever he performs. Roman is always performing with Thomas. 

So what if, this time, Roman was the actor of his own play? What if it was a tragedy of a one man?

Look it makes sense, in both tragedy and comedy, the characters tend to do their monologues often on the side of the scene, refering to themselves so that the audience could learn their true feelings are. I think that’s exactly what Roman does it here.

Another point? Even if other actors are on the stage, the very often don’t “hear” or “get” what is the Monologuing Character says on the side. They know that he/she/they talks about something but they can’t “hear” that. And let’s see what Thomas does when Roman is in the middle of his monologue

He looks like he had no idea what was going on. As if he was bringing Roman back in the actual stage.

(let’s skip the fake smile Roman sends here, I don’t feel like crying rn)

Okay, so it looks like Thomas did notice that Roman has been talking to himself on the side, right? Yeah, but you see… his words in no way suggest that he has heard what Roman said. All that he says is:

He only refers to the issue he has been aware of before the cut out Roman did. We all know Thomas (as a character)- I don’t think he would let that just slip. The Angsty Cut Out clearly screams that Roman isn’t alright and I doubt that Thomas would ignore it so plainly. And he didn’t refer to that at all. As if he didn;t hear that quite right.

And now, let’s go back to that title. Crofters- The Musical. It doesn’t say “song” (like in A new year of lying to myself…in a song!!), it’s not just plain Crofters (like in 12 Days of Christmas). The title is Crofters- The Musical. And every musical needs a tragic character with angst monologues and feelings. In this case? In this case it’s Roman. And I think he knows about that.

title: unsteady

word count: 915

summary: Virgil sinks out and tries to deal with the aftermath of what just happened. Immediately follows the “Intrusive Thoughts” episode. 

warnings: angst in droves, spiraling thoughts, negative self-talk, mention of nausea, mention of Deceit, mention of Remus, sanders sides spoilers for “Intrusive Thoughts”, open-ended conclusion. 

A/N: I don’t usually write this much explicitly angsty stuff. Huh. Big shout-out to @randomslasher for their angsty Virgil thoughts that helped me bring some stronger shape/form to this fic. This is probably more a character-study-in-fic-form than a real fic with a plot, but here ya go anyway. 

///

Because I was one of them.

The steady words had come from unsteady lungs. Virgil drags in a breath and lowers himself to the blurring floor littered with piles of clothes and journal pages and Virgil’s self-worth. He can’t erase the look of betrayal that had been scrawled in Thomas’s sunken eyes. The circles under them rivaled Virgil’s own and was a damning conviction of his inadequacy.

I thought that I would be able to… protect you from them.

Some bang up job he’d done. Instead, he’d lashed out against Thomas. Of course he did. Didn’t he always? Thomas was the punching bag that always got hit when Virgil got cornered and started swinging.

A lifetime ago, Thomas used to return the blows; he used to understand Anxiety’s role as something bad and was loud about it. Virgil thinks maybe it was easier then. It’s easier to accept hatred when you’ve known nothing else.

Virgil feels sick.

He wipes at his eyes, pretending he doesn’t notice the smears of black that streaks across his fist. Even when Thomas stopped returning the punches, Virgil still had moments where Thomas got caught in the crosshairs of blind panic. And Thomas… Well, he took the blows like a champ. He met them with acceptance and forgiveness—forgiveness that Virgil didn’t deserve.

But he had pretended to, hadn’t he? He’d convinced everyone that he had earned his “seat at the table”. That he wasn’t so bad, that he meant well, that he wasn’t… Other.

Why should you be held to a different standard than any other Side?

Thomas had asked him that question and Virgil couldn’t lie to him. Not anymore. Not after all the work that Thomas had put in towards being more honest with himself. That was what Thomas wanted. And Virgil would give Thomas anything he wanted, as much as he was able. He couldn’t keep lying. It was only a matter of time before Thomas found out anyway, right? Better to hear it from the mouth of the traitor himself.

At least nobody else would get caught in the blowback of Thomas’s hatred. Virgil could give that much to them.

Because I’m one of them.

And every moment of it had been terrifying. It was the right thing to do—Virgil feels rooted in that conviction even as the rest of him feels untethered—but the right thing has left a hole in Virgil’s chest that he doesn’t know how to fill.

You fit right in, Thomas had told him once. Patton had called him family. Logan had told him he didn’t mind his company. Roman had told him that he makes them better.

And he’d started to hear it so much that a part of him even… believed it himself. That he could somehow be one of them. Virgil had had everything he’d ever wanted. Thomas listened to him. Logan understood him. Roman respected him. Patton supported him. It was more than he’d ever dreamed of. It was more than he could have ever thought to ask for.

He needed them. He needed them so much it scared him sometimes. If Virgil was a tree, then Thomas and Logan and Roman and Patton were the soil, the rain, the sun.

But it had been stupid to think like that. Virgil isn’t a tree. He is a hurricane; powerful, destructive, dark. The sooner Thomas knew that, the safer it would be for Thomas. Even if it was laying bare the parts of himself that Virgil so desperately tried to deny.

Virgil promised to keep Thomas safe, and he’d failed. He’d failed when it was Deceit, twice. He’d failed with Remus. He’d failed, failed, failed. Everywhere he turned, Virgil was one step too late. Thomas was hurting and it was his fault. It had been his fault for far longer than Logan realized.

Thomas hates him again. It had been clear in the recoil when the words had fallen from Virgil’s lips with a weight as heavy as the one in his stomach. He’d felt like he was diving into an icy lake. He just wished his heart was colder, like it had been before, as if it would make it a little easier to manage. As if it would ease the splintering feeling he can feel in his chest, or the rolling in his stomach.

Virgil sniffles and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. He stops. His hoodie. The one he’d created to signify for himself the acceptance he’d found in the others. But Thomas’s resentment had been so brutally clear. He hadn’t needed to hear it—Virgil didn’t think he could take that, not when the world was already going blurry and his eyes were stinging—but he deserved every part of it.

Virgil tears himself out of the hoodie blindly and throws it against his closed door. You’ve ruined everything.

He folds his arms over the top of his knees and buries his face into his elbow. He thinks of all the times Thomas smiled at him. The amused quirk of Logan’s eyebrows. Patton’s bright grin. Roman’s soft, sincere earnestness. For him. Because they’d all believed Virgil was good. That he had always been good.

It’s over and you’re never getting it back.

He’d dealt with their resentment before. He had practice shouldering that. Perhaps he could again.

He feel so unsteady without them.

Everything comes to a crashing halt when he hears a soft knock on his door.

title: unsteady

word count: 915

summary: Virgil sinks out and tries to deal with the aftermath of what just happened. Immediately follows the “Intrusive Thoughts” episode. 

warnings: angst in droves, spiraling thoughts, negative self-talk, mention of nausea, mention of Deceit, mention of Remus, sanders sides spoilers for “Intrusive Thoughts”, open-ended conclusion. 

A/N: I don’t usually write this much explicitly angsty stuff. Huh. Big shout-out to @randomslasher for their angsty Virgil thoughts that helped me bring some stronger shape/form to this fic. This is probably more a character-study-in-fic-form than a real fic with a plot, but here ya go anyway. 

///

Because I was one of them.

The steady words had come from unsteady lungs. Virgil drags in a breath and lowers himself to the blurring floor littered with piles of clothes and journal pages and Virgil’s self-worth. He can’t erase the look of betrayal that had been scrawled in Thomas’s sunken eyes. The circles under them rivaled Virgil’s own and was a damning conviction of his inadequacy.

I thought that I would be able to… protect you from them.

Some bang up job he’d done. Instead, he’d lashed out against Thomas. Of course he did. Didn’t he always? Thomas was the punching bag that always got hit when Virgil got cornered and started swinging.

A lifetime ago, Thomas used to return the blows; he used to understand Anxiety’s role as something bad and was loud about it. Virgil thinks maybe it was easier then. It’s easier to accept hatred when you’ve known nothing else.

Virgil feels sick.

He wipes at his eyes, pretending he doesn’t notice the smears of black that streaks across his fist. Even when Thomas stopped returning the punches, Virgil still had moments where Thomas got caught in the crosshairs of blind panic. And Thomas… Well, he took the blows like a champ. He met them with acceptance and forgiveness—forgiveness that Virgil didn’t deserve.

But he had pretended to, hadn’t he? He’d convinced everyone that he had earned his “seat at the table”. That he wasn’t so bad, that he meant well, that he wasn’t… Other.

Why should you be held to a different standard than any other Side?

Thomas had asked him that question and Virgil couldn’t lie to him. Not anymore. Not after all the work that Thomas had put in towards being more honest with himself. That was what Thomas wanted. And Virgil would give Thomas anything he wanted, as much as he was able. He couldn’t keep lying. It was only a matter of time before Thomas found out anyway, right? Better to hear it from the mouth of the traitor himself.

At least nobody else would get caught in the blowback of Thomas’s hatred. Virgil could give that much to them.

Because I’m one of them.

And every moment of it had been terrifying. It was the right thing to do—Virgil feels rooted in that conviction even as the rest of him feels untethered—but the right thing has left a hole in Virgil’s chest that he doesn’t know how to fill.

You fit right in, Thomas had told him once. Patton had called him family. Logan had told him he didn’t mind his company. Roman had told him that he makes them better.

And he’d started to hear it so much that a part of him even… believed it himself. That he could somehow be one of them. Virgil had had everything he’d ever wanted. Thomas listened to him. Logan understood him. Roman respected him. Patton supported him. It was more than he’d ever dreamed of. It was more than he could have ever thought to ask for.

He needed them. He needed them so much it scared him sometimes. If Virgil was a tree, then Thomas and Logan and Roman and Patton were the soil, the rain, the sun.

But it had been stupid to think like that. Virgil isn’t a tree. He is a hurricane; powerful, destructive, dark. The sooner Thomas knew that, the safer it would be for Thomas. Even if it was laying bare the parts of himself that Virgil so desperately tried to deny.

Virgil promised to keep Thomas safe, and he’d failed. He’d failed when it was Deceit, twice. He’d failed with Remus. He’d failed, failed, failed. Everywhere he turned, Virgil was one step too late. Thomas was hurting and it was his fault. It had been his fault for far longer than Logan realized.

Thomas hates him again. It had been clear in the recoil when the words had fallen from Virgil’s lips with a weight as heavy as the one in his stomach. He’d felt like he was diving into an icy lake. He just wished his heart was colder, like it had been before, as if it would make it a little easier to manage. As if it would ease the splintering feeling he can feel in his chest, or the rolling in his stomach.

Virgil sniffles and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. He stops. His hoodie. The one he’d created to signify for himself the acceptance he’d found in the others. But Thomas’s resentment had been so brutally clear. He hadn’t needed to hear it—Virgil didn’t think he could take that, not when the world was already going blurry and his eyes were stinging—but he deserved every part of it.

Virgil tears himself out of the hoodie blindly and throws it against his closed door. You’ve ruined everything.

He folds his arms over the top of his knees and buries his face into his elbow. He thinks of all the times Thomas smiled at him. The amused quirk of Logan’s eyebrows. Patton’s bright grin. Roman’s soft, sincere earnestness. For him. Because they’d all believed Virgil was good. That he had always been good.

It’s over and you’re never getting it back.

He’d dealt with their resentment before. He had practice shouldering that. Perhaps he could again.

He feel so unsteady without them.

Everything comes to a crashing halt when he hears a soft knock on his door.

Okay, well now I have to write it.

…………………………………………….

“Guys, can we stop with the yelling? This isn’t helpful.” Roman and Virgil’s fight had left Thomas with an incredible headache, and he couldn’t take another second of it.

“He’s right.” Virgil tugged at his hoodie. “We’re getting nowhere.” 

Something had been off all day; everyone felt it. A beat passed before Virgil could place his unease. “Logan, you haven’t said anything in a while — what do you think?”

It set in that Logan had been uncharacteristically absent from the conversation, and everyone turned to acknowledge him. Logan was standing with one arm folded against his chest and a hand clasped firmly to his mouth.

Roman gasped and drew his sword. “Deceit?” 

Though the others stiffened in preparation, Patton shook his head. He knew Logan best, and this was still his Logan.

“Lo?” The room hushed at the quiet strength in Patton’s sincerity.

Logan had kept his eyes averted until now, fixated hopelessly on the wall’s big picture, but something in Patton’s tone made him look over to meet his safe, familiar gaze. There was a pause of recognition between the two.

“Are you okay?”

That broke him. A quick, barely audible sob escaped Logan’s lips and through his trembling fingers, and the tears came all at once. Logan tightened his arm about his ribs, compressing his lungs and forcing his palm still harder against his mouth. All attempts to steady himself failed. He stood shaking silently while everyone else exchanged looks of confusion and fear. Except for Patton. He was still staring right at Logan, unfaltering and calm. Logan almost laughed at the irony, but instead choked on his frustration.

Each tear scorched his skin in a cruel confirmation that everything he’d worked for, everything he’d tried so hard to be, had been undone. Irreparably. All he’d accomplished lately was hurt the others and fail to serve his one purpose. His glasses fogged, pulling clarity even further from reach, and he clenched his eyes shut. Hand and face were drenched in this horrifying display of vulnerability. 

No one spoke for a long time. Logan swallowed hard and let out all the air he’d been holding. He looked around the room at the faces of the people he’d let down. Then, against his own volition, one thought finally broke through the last of his defenses. “I’m just so… lost.”

The city looks so pretty.

Do you wanna burn it with me?

It ya boi Virge! The Great Pestilence!

A lil more about him under the cut! 

(TW: Death, American Government conspiracies, Disease, Hospitals)

The Four Horsemen

Pestilence (here)

Famine and War part 1

Famine and War part 2

Death