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gods I hate remembering how fucking SHIT of a person I used to be and spiralling into the guilt of it even when I have so little memories from that time period. Like i don’t remember it fully but then im told it happened and it just like yeah i guess that’s another thing to add to the “i used to be a god awful human being with zero respect or empathy for others or their boundaries and apparently don’t remember any of it” time in my life.
I hate it so much because at the time i had not a fucking clue why it was wrong or that i was hurting people and i don’t even fully remember it i just know it happened because I was told it did. i hate that i was stupid to the point of probably permanently traumatizing people. I genuinely don’t think i should be allowed to have relationships anymore because Im now terrified im just gonna end up hurting them too.
Why the fuck can’t I just be a normal goddamn person. After hearing how shit i used to be im starting to think that all of our previous abuse from family was absolutely deserved. We used to be so shitty i think we deserved to be beaten and starved. We deserved every single bruise and hungry night. We don’t deserve to be safe. We don’t deserve to be treated well. We don’t deserve to be treated as a human being. We deserve to be treated like the dumb fucking dog that we are.
i think i just need to kms honestly. one less awful person might be good for the world.
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I am not a beacon of knowledge, and I might be wrong on things. I'm PRETTY sure I'm right, but always check sources.
Its important to remember that alter does not mean system, which yes is obvious, but important to note. You can have an endogenic alter in a traumagenic system, vice versa, use other terms, ect. This is a link to the coiner of endogenic and traumagenic explaining them:
I feel like it explain it pretty well and how endogenics was never meant to be "fake systems" nor be part of CDDs.
I don't think endogenics hurts the plural community, I myself am a traumagenic plural (unrelated to my polymindence). Those who don't like the plural community will not like it any more if we disinclude endogenics. Those who think endogenic is someone who has a CDD without trauma and think ALL CDDs are made up, will not take CDDs seriously if we don't include endogenics, they are misinformed from step 1, and instead of ostracizing a community we should help the people who are confused. For some terms that aren't medical:
Headmate comes from soulbonders & roleplayers.
Fictive comes from soulbonders.
Sourcemate comes from fictionkins. (I remember there being a big curfuffle about how fictionkins are "roleplaying" as alters and making fun of CDDs, which isn't true, so it's pretty ironic some of the people who said that use their term)
There are definitely more terms, but I am completely forgetting them. I do genuinely really hope this helped.
Hai! I'm a polymind and I saw your post :3 (I'm also pro-endo). I use the term polymind for simplicity. My subpersonalities have been seperated ever since they were just ego states (~4). I used many labels, including misidenifying my subpersonalities as alters and thinking I had a type of CDD. I do not, I don't have enough symptoms. I'm "psychoshattered" meaning I seperated due to mental illness and trauma. Also, reading your post I'm sorry but I don't think you know what endogenics are, its plurality formed where trauma is not the main cause. I am a polymind mostly seperated from trauma. Many many polyminds are not even plural, however it is possible for a polymind to also be endogenic, it is rare in the community. I get its scary, being plural from trauma and disorders and seeing those who aren't must be so invalidating. But even in the ICD under Boundaries with Normality (Threshold), it states "The presence of two or more distinct personality states does not always indicate the presence of a mental disorder". I view it similar to being trans without dysphoria: dysphoria (CDD) is what makes you medically recognized and sure you're trans (plural), however not every trans (plural) person has dysphoria (CDD). Not to mention, if you look at the origins of many plural terms (including plural), they come from endogenics and other communities outside of the plural community. We know just as much about the brain as we do the ocean, so why CAN'T it happen? Because of a THEORY? That seems a little silly to me. Even I am a polymind because of secondary structural dissociation, but that can't be the ONLY reason someone is plural, maybe the only reason someone can be MULTIPLE, but not plural. Anyways, if you have anymore questions, please please do ask! I love helping people
Hey!! This is actually super helpful! Is there any way you could give Paladin a proper explanation on the main endo terms? She doesn’t fully understand them still and clearly a lot of her ideas are outdated!
The main thing she was always told was that endos actively harm the CDD community by making them seem less legitimate to people, but learning this is really interesting!
• PrevID: is a type of Transid where it is about past experiences!
• Not a request, request status In bio
• Coined on: 02/07/2025, Flags by me!
• Notes: e.g. being PrevKidnapped would mean you identify as having been kidnapped at somepoint in your past. (You could still identify as presently kidnapped, whether it be the same or a different kidnapping, too!), felt this was necessary, since so many id labels can be vague on the specifics and some might want it to be more specific!
Edit: lol I just realised I formatted this a lil wrong so I fixed it :p :)
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hello! i would like to talk about many of the topics you mentioned in your asks post as several of them apply to me
first of all: good faith labels. i consider myself a bisexual lesbian due to the fact that i am bisexual but homoromantic and am only interested in romantic relationships with women/fem aligned enbies. it works both on a lexicological standpoint (because homoromantic woman = lesbian) and also because its practical. i’m not going to tell men im bisexual because it doesn’t convey the fact that i am not interested in a romantic relationship with them. you said that good faith labels are unnecessary because there are other labels but frankly i don’t know a simpler, more practical way to explain it with terms most people know.
second: transids. i agree many transid users are weird and i think wanting to be disabled is weird. but i think a lot of transids are fine. personally i’m transage since i am an age regressor and never feel like i’ve aged past being a teenager. i’m also recutrauma (transid where you feel like/identify as your trauma repeating over and over) because that’s just how my trauma manifests to me through flashbacks; it feels like it’s happening over and over. i think other things are harmless too like permacollar (ID as permanently having a collar) or transstarpupil (ID as having star shaped pupils) and i think if it’s not hurting anyone then it’s not a big deal.
lastly: polyminds! i’m a polymind! i’m not a system though! i’m not an endo system for several reasons: my polymindence comes mainly from trauma, and i’m not a system in the first place. my polymindence isn’t different people inside one body, it’s just different facets/parts of myself that i act like in different situations. but im just one person! it helps me process & understand my feelings better and practice self empathy. my polymindence has emerged a lot through IFS therapy as well, a recognized therapy method of seeing the mind as naturally multiple to help different parts of yourself work together.
generally i very much take a viewpoint of “if it’s not hurting anyone, then who cares”. i’m happy to talk about/explain any of this more if you have questions
- @dogpack-polymind
This is really interesting actually! I’ve been learning a lot about trans IDs and actually have changed my mind on a bit about them! Obviously Im still not sure on some of them but its been really interesting to learn about (and find ones that fit me!) Im still kinda iffy on transage folks because in my mind it feels a lot like a way to groom others but I think thats just cause Im a trauma holder and really paranoid about that stuff
Polyminds have always read as endo adjacent to me but learning that its really just kind of IFS is really neat!
As for Good faith, I never really thought about it that way, I always figured it was more of “this is who im attracted to and fuck the origins of these labels” but I guess as long as you are aware of the history behind your labels and aren’t doing anything wrong, I dont see why its an issue! The main ones I really have problems with that i can think of right off are male lesbians because it is inherently not what a lesbian is ?
Radqueers , TransIDs , Pro Good faith , Polyminds , Contradictory Labels , And endogenics
Tell me about yourselves, why you use those labels, and educate me (as someone who is anti all of these!) Change my mind!
I am doing this for fun, dont get mean with it or you lose privileges. This is all friendly debate and an Anti wanting to learn.
my views / opinions under the cut:
Good Faith / Contradictory Labels / Radqueer:
Generally its just because it actively takes meaning away from those labels , confuses people outside the community , makes it harder for people to know what labels mean , and there’s really no need for it when there’s literally hundreds of labels (as well as the option to just go “this is who im attracted to” without needing a label.)
Endogenics:
Endogenics fundamentally harm the system community by watering it down to “the alter disorder” and it makes a disorder that is already demonized and treated poorly by professionals. Its harmful and even those claiming “plural” still harm actually disorders systems.
Trans IDs:
You all are just flat out weird. There is no need to be pretending you have disorders or disabilities or features or trauma that you don’t have. I fear you guys border on delusional if you aren’t already. Also, every transID-er Ive spoken to are just flat out rude about it. You either have shit or you don’t, you just fake disorders for what? Clout? Pity? Im just confused. Transspecies are okay though, y’all are chill.
Polyminds:
Im only really anti here because it sounds like you all are just trying to be endos without saying your endos.
The Great Divide by Noah Kahan feels like when we realized just how fucking awful of a person we used to be
(More in depth vent under the cut)
Fuck i feel awful thinking about it but I love this song. Every time it plays I just remember once again how fucking awful we were. Not even just to our ex but to literally everyone in our life. We were literally horrendous to be around.
I do really hope that everyone whose life we ruined gets better and that they heal from us. I really hope that one day we get to personally apologize to every single one of them. I feel awful knowing that we did that. We personally ruined so many people’s lives.
We had no fucking right to be like that. We were angry and confused and coping but we fucking ruined lives. We fully traumatized people. We were traumatized and traumatized others back because we didn’t know how to cope. Gods i feel awful.
I feel like the system ai would prank Carl by make a long sustained ringing noise in his head to make him think he had tinnitus & then call him an idiot for falling for it
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Radqueers , TransIDs , Pro Good faith , Polyminds , Contradictory Labels , And endogenics
Tell me about yourselves, why you use those labels, and educate me (as someone who is anti all of these!) Change my mind!
I am doing this for fun, dont get mean with it or you lose privileges. This is all friendly debate and an Anti wanting to learn.
COLLECTIVE. views / opinions under the cut:
My views do not align with our collective beliefs, this is to educate the rest of the system
Good Faith / Contradictory Labels / Radqueer:
Generally its just because it actively takes meaning away from those labels , confuses people outside the community , makes it harder for people to know what labels mean , and there’s really no need for it when there’s literally hundreds of labels (as well as the option to just go “this is who im attracted to” without needing a label.)
Endogenics:
Endogenics fundamentally harm the system community by watering it down to “the alter disorder” and it makes a disorder that is already demonized and treated poorly by professionals. Its harmful and even those claiming “plural” still harm actually disorders systems.
Trans IDs:
You all are just flat out weird. There is no need to be pretending you have disorders or disabilities or features or trauma that you don’t have. I fear you guys border on delusional if you aren’t already. Also, every transID-er Ive spoken to are just flat out rude about it. You either have shit or you don’t, you just fake disorders for what? Clout? Pity? Im just confused. Transspecies are okay though, y’all are chill.
Polyminds:
Im only really anti here because it sounds like you all are just trying to be endos without saying your endos.
