bellie!

True, but have you ever thought that it’s so comforting to see someone who has the exact same mind as you? I have met no one else that is as fucked up in the way that I am besides Michael Robinavitch.

Anxiety turning into self loathing? Only feeling something when you’re doing your job or helping people? Being fucked in the head but not because of some massive trauma, just because that’s what you are? Being kind and caring and loving until you get into a depressive episode that turns you into an isolated and silent prick that no one can touch? People figuring out that somethings wrong and trying to get you help but help hasn’t worked before so why will it now? Just wanting to be out of your fucking brain??? Loving the people around you but hating living so much that they might not be enough to keep you from ending it?

She’s pretty immersed, so she barely notices when Frank starts to trail his fingertips over her body. Because she doesn’t notice.. he ups the anti-moving right up to her, his cock notched right between her ass, and starts moving

Like a horny teenager, he humps her, thinking she doesn’t even notice.. until

“You can slip yourself inside Frank, but I’m not looking up”

The man jumps into action with a high pitched whine, pulling her pajama shorts aside and sliding his cock into her

He’s already hyperventilating, whining and mouthing at Mel’s neck while he shallowly thrusts into her, clutching on to her arm to try and keep her from jostling too much

For the next few minutes (he doesn’t last long) it’s a chorus of “so good” and a string of pleases for more or for less

Then it turns into “I need to come” over and over

Mel decides to be nice and responds “you can come inside me babe” to which he immediately locks up and fills her even further

Jack being Robby’s emergency contact

Javadi being able to truly do what she wants

Samira still being living and supportive of Robby even though he’s been awful to her

Langdon and Mel <3

Baran feeling like she’s losing everything she’s worked so hard for and this dick threatening her with it (even though she knows he’s right)

The last fucking scene being Robby with the abandoned baby, comforting himself along with her.

She’s never done much since she’s been too busy with school, she’s no virgin (thanks to her “rebellious” phase in undergrad) but she doesn’t have experience

So every time Cassie touches her? It’s like lava pooling, all the blood rushes to meet Cassie’s hands on her hips, face, neck, thighs, tits, and of course her pussy

The first night they’re together Cassie goes all out on foreplay, worried she’ll need a little more since she’s never came with a partner, but she ends up working Vic up so bad that one pump of her finger does the poor girl in.

Cassie notices immediately, of course, and tries to see just how far she can go.. or rather, how little she can touch Victoria in order to make her cum

I LOVE THEM SO BAD

Just writhing on their (respective) mommy’s/daddy’s cock, pussy and dick leaking all over the place

And McKay and Robby being soft doms, a hand around the throat of their puppy, grounding them but making them do the work

They’re the king and queen of “you’re either coming until you pass out or your not coming once” with their puppies

Victoria and Dennis both know exactly how to rile up their doms:

Vic just wears something skimpy around the house and acts like she’s about to leave to run an errand right in front of Cassie.. then promptly gets hoisted onto her shoulder

Dennis knows that all he has to do is make jokes about Robby’s age, especially if he compares their age and acts like he’s so young and fit.. which leads in a cat and mouse chase that Robby always wins

I’ve tried to commit before, but it’s been so many years that I can hardly remember the details. I can’t remember who I told or who found out or even how I did it, just that it happened.

My mom hears the doctor ask if I’ve ever harmed myself or thought of suicide and says nothing. Hears me answer semi-honestly “not since the meds” and says nothing.

We watch a movie where a young boy dies and we all cry at the mother’s reaction. She says to me “I would never be able to move on if you died”

I tell my roommate about my feelings, she says “you have to stay alive, you need to be in my wedding” and reiterates what my therapist always says

“Always find something to look forward to”

One of my best friends sends me a poem about how awful life would be without me in it. How my death would affect everyone in my life for the rest of theirs.

The thing about this tactic-it doesn’t solve anything. Sure, it makes me feel guilty enough that it stops the pills from going in my mouth but it doesn’t stop the pain.

My therapist asks me what I think when I cut, but I don’t. It’s a wonderful thing.

I think about Sylvia Plath all the time. How she was able to live with all of that pain and then eventually be free of it.

Do you think I’ll go to Hell when I kill myself?

I believe in God, Jesus, the holy trinity and all that. I believe that he died for our sins. I believe that he can do anything and everything.

But does he want to?

Does he look at me and feel pride in his creation and want to help me through? Does he want to guide me and take me through every small step of recovery?

Or does he frown at how this life has gone, how fucked up a brain can be and still believe in him. Does he let me strike myself down to the eternal punishment?

There are times in my life where I believed that he loved me. Now I think it would make more sense that he’s just waiting for me to die off and not be in anyone’s way anymore.

The people in my life would run to him in the case, and I’m sure he would love and care for them just like he tried to do for me.

Trans masc Dennis? Sure! Trans fem Dennis? Sure! t4t hucklerobby? Sure!

Gay Robby/Jack/Dennis? Sure! Bi Robby/Jack/Dennis? Sure! Nb Mel? Sure!

Lesbian Emma/Joy/Dana/Mel/Ellis/Cassie/Vic? Sure! Bi Emma/Joy/Dana/Mel/Ellis/Cassie/Vic? Sure!

And I love how we don’t (or at least try not to) villainize characters over one moment, since literally every character has had a total fuck up moment

BUT! The one thing I hate.. is that some of yall can’t seem to get a grasp on the titles.

In s1, trin is an R1 (also called an intern) NOT A MED STUDENT. Dennis is an M4 (last year of med school) and Victoria is an M3 so they ARE med students. Mel, Samira, and McKay are all R3 or R2’s, which means they are just called residents. Collins and Langdon are in their last year (4) of residency, so they are SENIOR residents.

ANYONE WITH AN R IS CALLED DOCTOR!!

In s2, trin is an R2 so no longer an intern, den is an R1 (so officially a doctor) Vic and evil tall guy are M4’s and Joy is an M3. The only other resident that we are for sure bumped up is Samira, since she’s now a senior resident

He is very much in trouble with the wife. (Me.)

I study and study for an upcoming exam,

Then on the way in I consider downing the bottle of Advil in my bag and laying down in the bathroom.

Linoleum tile would feel so much better than my head right now

Swimming with these archaic ideologies that I get lost in

These stories that I can’t help but immerse myself in and wish I could get away from like a bad ex

I brush my teeth at night, but not before slicing my thighs and leaving them to casually bleed onto my hardwood floors.

I don’t want to ruin all the money my parents put into my teeth, after all.

I make plans with my friends then consider ditching them halfway through for just an ounce of what could be relief from this prison

I don’t. I think about the random girl that could find me. Or if it would be one of my roommates. It makes me physically ill

In reality, I just wish I never existed. Never knew this pain, never walked these paths, never met or experienced any of these people.

But even if I down three different meds at once or take a blade to my throat or get a gun from my fathers safe-I won’t be free.

I’ll never be free.