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@babysleigh
I'm excited because I got my husband two Father's Day gifts I think he's really going to like. He's not a big gift person and these are kind of weird things to give as a present but I know he's going to be really happy about both of them. Yay.
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Just spent almost $300 at the grocery store 🫠🫠🫠
I do not have time or $$ for therapy right now and mostly I feel like I am doing okay but sometimes it would be so so helpful to have an objective third party to listen to my marriage complaints and tell me if they're valid or if I'm being unreasonable.
Like if I vent to my friends they'll just be on my side because they're my friends. If I vent to my mom she always defends my husband because her husband sucked so she thinks a man doing the bare minimum is like gold medal worthy. Obviously in my mind I'm on the right side of things but idk if that's true!
Basically I'm just feeling very under appreciated and I feel like my husband is in the habit of being really careless / thoughtless with household stuff. Like I am just the default maid and organizer of the house and he gets comfortable with that and doesn't even think about how his actions are making my life harder. The trouble is it's a bunch of little things. So if I just bring up one little thing I sound like I'm being super petty/nit picky. But if I bring up the whole list of little things I sound like I'm piling on about a bunch of stuff, you know?
And I know people have different standards and I'm definitely the neater person in the relationship so maybe it's unfair to expect him to work to make everything as neat as I want it and if it bothers me and doesn't bother him I should just be in charge of doing it?
I don't know !! When I think about how I would feel if I were him I would hate to be constantly nagged as an adult in my own house about dumb stuff like dishes and not throwing my socks on the floor and helping to clear the table after meals. There were definitely times in my adult life where I was a slob and someone nagging me about it would have really sucked. But also I think if I knew me being a slob bothered my partner I would make a real effort not to do it!
Idk it's dumb we are almost nine years into our marriage and I still don't know how to communicate about stuff like this. I never had a healthy model! I don't want to fight or make the other person feel bad but I also don't want to just stew in quiet resentment forever. And maybe I just need a perspective shift!
Sorry in advance for complaining because I fully acknowledge things could be much worse right now. But we are in a tough season where a bunch of things are all feeling hard at once. Rose's fussiness turned into a legit fever and she spent all yesterday miserable and needed to be held nonstop. I've been to the pediatrician for sick visits for 3/3 kids in the last month which feels crazy. My husband's work had some kind of crisis while we were on vacation so he's been super stressed and working nonstop. Eden has a zillion end of school things going on. I asked my husband to chaperone her field trip today to a zoo at a big nearby city because I was feeling really guilty the baby kept me from chaperoning anything all year. He agreed and the trip is today but he's miserable missing almost a full day of work when he's already stressed and I feel guilty that it's my fault and sad for Eden and annoyed what could have been a fun memory for them is now ruined by him being miserable. Also we've been living in this house for ten years now and I guess everything is getting worn out because all of a sudden we have a bunch of house stuff going wrong at once. Our toilet is leaking and the tub drain isn't working and the kitchen floor is losing chunks from nail pops (?!) and literally as I was writing this the recessed lights in the playroom started all flickering at once ?!?!? Eden told me they had been doing that and I thought she was just pranking me and flipping the switch over and over again. We are barely managing the bare minimum of child and house care right now so I have zero idea how we will find the time and energy to tackle all of those issues. Not to mention the fact that everything costs so much more than it used to. I'm feeling really overwhelmed.
I have been trying to get the baby to sleep since 10:30 and it is currently 1:30 🫠. I tried Tylenol in case her tooth was bothering her but it didn't make a difference at all. I've tried walking her outside, bouncing her on the exercise ball, reading, singing, letting her fuss in her crib. She's been nursing literally all day and I had to cut her off because her using me as a pacifier with her sharp little tooth was too much after multiple hours. That was at 12 and she has screamed for the entire hour since I instituted the nursing break so out of desperation I tried to defrost some freezer milk and give her her first bottle since she was a newborn. Of course she hated it and acted like I was trying to poison her. Idk what else to do!
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Poor baby Rose has been having a rough time. She's so so fussy and doesn't want to be put down for a second and even being held she stays happy for ten minutes max before she gets upset. I checked and yup she just entered her next leap. She's also getting her first tooth so idk if that's making things worse. It feels like we are back to newborn neediness but with a much heavier and less sleepy baby. My arm is killing me from lugging her around everywhere. I have so much to do (still haven't unpacked all the suitcases from our trip 🫠) but it's impossible to get things done when she's awake and she has only been napping for short spurts. I know it's just a short phase and will get better soon but oof.
This week is so busy. Eden has piano today, then tomorrow she has a class play we have to go watch. Then Friday she has a zoo field trip my husband is chaperoning. I need to finish unpacking and wash all of the bed linens and see my dad at some point and pick up the dogs medicine and find time to weed the backyard because i was just out there and the weeds are literally towering above my head ....
I'm actually kind of relieved Eden's camp week moved. It's not until July now and that will give her a nice long break (and us a break from lunch packing and chauffeuring her around). I need to start to think about my plans for this summer but I think I'll give it a week or two to see how it goes and what areas need improvement. Hopefully I'll be able to take three kids to the pool on my own and we can do that a bunch. I want to sign Elliot up for swim lessons. Eden is taking a break from her piano teacher and I'm hoping after a month or so off I can sign her up for some trial lessons with a different teacher to see if it's a better fit. I want to drive us to all the semi near by library branches so we can check them out, maybe one a week coordinated with times when that library has an activity or story time the kids would like. I want to have realistically low expectations for myself because this is the first summer with Rose and it's going to be challenging balancing her schedule while still letting the big kids get out of the house to do fun things.
😭 the lady was so nice and switched her to a different camp week. She won't get to be with her friends but at least I didn't waste the money. Phew!
...... I am the biggest idiot on the planet. I registered Eden for this super expensive drama camp that she did last year and loved. I registered her back January and chose the same week her friends signed up for. Well I didn't check the calander and the non refundable camp overlaps her last week of school 💀💀💀💀. Like camp starts the 8 and Eden's last day of school is the 10th. So she is going to miss 3/5 days or miss the last few days of her school. I have such a pit in my stomach. I was three months postpartum at the time but I would have been able to cancel if I had checked the dates anytime before this week so I can't even excuse myself. Eden is going to be so sad.
I'm feeling so emotional about how I'm walking the same familiar route I walked all last summer but instead of a baby in my belly I'm pushing her in her stroller. She used to get so quiet during my walks because it would rock her to sleep in the womb and now it's the same thing but I can watch her little sleeping face. We've done this so many times together 🥺.
Thank goodness Elliot is doing better and the doctor said it's just wry neck and will get better in a day or so.
I got 4 hours of sleep between being up with Elliot and Rose so I have gotten zero done today and feel like I am in some kind of dream state. It's bad timing because today was going to be my day to be super productive and I was going to tackle the final post vacation chores that have been looming over me.
The silver lining is that since I didn't have energy for chores I spent a lot of nice quality time with the kids just lying around together.
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Elliot woke up inconsolably crying at 2am saying his neck hurt. We were going to take him to the ED because he was screaming every time we moved him at all. I have zero idea what happened , he doesn't have a fever, hasn't hurt himself at all that I know of. He calmed down as he woke up and we put him in bed with us with some Motrin and he started chattering like normal so we ended up just waiting and calling his pediatrician this morning. I think he probably just slept funny and has a sore neck and has never experienced that before so doesn't know how to handle it? But it's still kind of scary. He won't sit up or turn his head at all still. My little baby boy 🥺.
Bleh we have plans to go to my husband's friend's house for a casual hang and I don't want to 💀. The house is still a mess and I'm so sleepy and the kids are being post vacation monsters. But my husband always comes to my family/friend things with me without complaining so I am going to do the same for him.
One thing I'm learning about myself as I get older is I have a tendency to wildly overcomplicate things. I wanted to bring something to the party to be a good guest. I had my husband ask his friend what would be most helpful and he said oh anything is fine so then I spent a solid 24 hours waffling. I was going to do a veggie tray and homemade cookies and then decided maybe brownies and then decided maybe fresh fruit or maybe homemade guacamole and then thought well no maybe I'll just buy something from the farmers market to bring since we have so much going on but then I went to the farmers market and got so overwhelmed I left without getting anything and now I'm back to just bringing a veggie tray with some store bought dips 🫠. Like any one of those things would have been fine, I don't understand why I need to waste so much time and energy trying to find the absolute perfect thing. Just pick something and stick to it and stop overthinking !!
I do the same thing with cooking/trying new recipes/planning a vacation or even just planning a day out. I overthink all the options and then get overwhelmed and can't make a decision and then end up either not doing anything or waffling for so long that I make myself miserable. I don't know exactly what to do to correct the problem but hopefully recognizing it is the first step.
We got home late last night and the baby woke me up at 6 am and I'm so exhausted!
I have like six different things I want to talk about but my brain is fried and idk where to start.
Vacation was mostly good. It was our first trip with 3 kids and it was significantly harder than the same trip last year with 2 kids, especially the packing and the lack of sleep. Rose really liked being on the actual beach and I think she liked seeing so many new places and things. The rental wasn't very easy to childproof and she hates being in her play pen alone so it was a little rough not being able to put her down all week. Nap schedule and sleeping in general wasn't great but it could have been a lot worse.
When we got home last night she was so thrilled to be able to crawl around on her own and I think she seemed happy to be back in a familiar place. She's gotten fast! Something about being gone for a week and then coming back and seeing her in our house again really highlighted how much she's changed in just a few days. She's started pulling up to stand all on her own and she can speed crawl all around the house now and she's getting her first tooth! (Omg I can't remember if all baby teeth are initially this sharp or if this one is extra. It feels like one of those fish needle teeth).
My feet are so sore. I've gotten 16-17k steps the past two days and yesterday I didn't even intentionally go on a walk, it was just from all the packing we had to so. We stayed in a condo so I went up and down so so many flights of stairs.
I'm really hoping today will be a chill day. I have mountains of laundry to do and there are eight million bags downstairs that need unpacked and we have no food in the house and Rose is down to her last few diapers. But honestly I just want to sit quietly and stare into space for a good long while. Vacation as an adult with young kids is seriously so much work.
We just had the most magical beach walk and I never want to forget it. I looked for sea glass and Rose watched the ocean and hummed herself to sleep. It was so peaceful listening to the waves and feeling my baby warm and snug against me as she got more and more relaxed.
I found so much sea glass!!!!
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We are having fun on vacation but the big kids are sharing a bedroom and omg it's such a disaster. They wind each other up at night and don't end up sleeping until past ten and then they wind each other up first thing in the morning so we have been starting our days way too early. Everyone is so grumpy 🫠
lol my mom woke my finally sleeping baby up by loudly putting our dog in our bedroom but now that we are all downstairs she's spent the past hour fussing at my children nonstop for being "too loud" when they talk at normal volume/walk around normally because she doesn't want them to wake up my brother's girlfriend who is sleeping 🙃