A Starry Paracosm

i'd truly be fucked in her situation because rumpelstiltskin is not a name that would come to mind for me

hi i live in bumfuck nowhere, USA. four women with mosins broke into my house a while ago and won't leave. they've been making me cook three times a day and they've gone through a terrifying amount of liquor i'm going to go broke.

every time i try to set plates on the table someone grabs my ass and they can see me fighting hard not to go to my knees. this is the funniest shit ever to them.

they left one night and i thought good riddance, but they were back before dawn, laughing and boasting about blowing up some railroad track. they cut my landline. not that i'd have called the cops anyway. they're kinda charming tbh.

one of them is teaching me to tie her tichel for her. she already knows how to do it herself so i have no idea what possible benefit this could be to her. the others keep doing the tongue-between-fingers gesture at her.

they speak english by the way, they're from NJ; they just choose not to because they like how lost i look.

i'm starting to think the only card game they know is bullshit. the only stakes they ever play for is the right to walk over to where i'm cutting vegetables, force the knife out of my hand, and bend me over the counter to the enthusiastic shouts of the other three. i wish they'd raise the stakes but i'm too shy to ask.

the partisans living in my house found the guitar in my attic and made me play for them and i was stammering and blushing the entire time and utterly botched it but that seemed to make the experience better for them

if i can't keep feeding them they're going to leave me for another house. i can't bear to lose them. i think i'll pawn my good-for-nothing dead husband's crap to keep above water for a bit. just flour and beans to eat and plastic-bottle vodka, but it'll do.

one of them was shot and now i have to play nurse too. the other three are still going off on their nightly sabotage runs and this woman propped up on my couch obviously enjoys when i cradle her and tilt her head up for water and god help me i love it too but that doesn't mean i know anything about how to keep her alive!

finally starting to learn some Yiddish! and shooed a cop off my property before he could get to my front door.

they were gathered around the radio today as armistice was announced. there were shouts and laughter and tears of joy. i felt cold in my stomach as i contemplated returning to a life without them. my contemplation was cut short by a kiss. and then another kiss. and then four sets of hands undressing me.

they're still here. i thought they'd slip off in the night and i'd never hear back. why am i crying

now that there's no fighting and they're all four sleeping at night, even the injured one is doing more in the garden than my husband god-rest-him ever did. i hardly have to do anything around here anymore except be pretty and let them carry me off sometimes. i think they've taken me in every corner of this old house at this point.

positive pregnancy test and no idea whose it is. might have a small problem.

turns out they really didn't care whose it was and they were planning to keep sharing me anyway, so problem solved. so. i think i might have four wives. ...and i didn't even get a ceremony! unfair

I'm so glad that that truncated fucking ran-into-a-wall-at-speed tadpole-ass looking squirrel only lives in high altitude forests in Borneo bc this means I am extremely unlikely to encounter one in my day to day life. thank god

DID YOU MAKE THIS BLOG SIMPLY TO TORMENT ME

WHERE IS THE REST OF YOU

Y'all - the Catholic Church is not only a conservative institution, it is a strong contender for the most conservative institution in the world. I don't say that (here) in a disparaging way, I mean it in a neutral, literal sense. The Church's entire modus operandi is that it seeks to conserve what it believes to be apostolic teaching - disciplines, practices, and prudential judgements vary across place and time, but the teachings themselves never ever change. Hailing the Pope or a bishop as some kind of progressive icon is nonsensical, and is hard for me to see as anything other than a very worrying sign of the reactionary period we're living in.

The President of the United States is to the right of the head of the most conservative institution in the world (the Pope) and instead of viewing that as an extremely worrying sign of the reactionary period we're in, people have decided the Pope and the Church are progressive

I can't believe we live in a world where there's an AI company unironically called "Palantir," and it isn't a parody. It's a real thing. I remember seeing a picture of an advertisement on here and thinking, "This HAS to be a joke. This is too on-the-nose to be real. They wouldn't honestly name an AI company Palantir, after the Seeing Stones from Lord of the Rings that are supposed to offer knowledge, but famously also might be feeding you misinformation from evil sources because 'we do not know who else may be watching.'" But then here I am listening to the BBC News discussing why the CEO of Palantir just published a Manifesto that sounds like it was written by a supervillain.

supporting my asexual friends and foes by rebbloging this

It’s 50 years this month since the first version of the Asexual Manifesto was written. Aces have been writing about our experiences under this name for at least half a century. We are not an internet fad.

“character who gained weight to show how they are healthy now” trope my beloved