The bee's knees.

it's also interesting in the difference between the elves of the Old Path and the practitioners of other races. if the ability to have children was decided to only be granted to the most faithful then elves like Hannan and his wife were foregoing the possibility of ever passing on their traditions to their biological children as the other races of the Old Path could. of course, biological family isn't the only type of family, but it does mean the elven druids had to put themselves in more danger in order to find others who shared their beliefs. there were no generations of secret worship. they had to intentionally seek each other out just to learn about the Path, let alone find community with each other, and if they were discovered, if they confided in the wrong person, they were persecuted the most harshly by their goddess of life and nature.

You have the literal sunset in your eyes. That light isn't fading, it's just right on the horizon. And it hovers there. All right?

What he was actually saying during his breakdown is closer to: "I am coming to terms that I might be able to reunite with my long lost sister, and I am terrified that there is nothing of the child I once was left, and that the person she remembers is gone."

He is cognizant that not only has he been lying a lot, but he has been VERY good at it. Possibly, he is afraid that he is TOO good at it, that he may lose himself to the act, and that people whose opinions he greatly values (Murray in specific) are starting to view him differently because of how good at lying he is. Also, he is just really stressed out because, again, revolutionary leader.

that said! i am fascinated by the way that murray seems a little blind to struggles that aren’t in line with her own until she’s directly and pretty aggressively confronted with them.

we get to see this first with occtis, and how she sees his name and knows his house and immediately assumes that he’s just like the rest of them. she doesn’t see the implication of a child of a sundered house having to resort to studying wizardry when he should have all manner of magic at his fingertips without a lick of effort by his birthright. she doesn’t see the truth of his situation, doesn’t look for it at all, until occtis is dead at her feet, murdered by his own family.

on the other hand, there’s demodus, who has the same struggle as her in her eyes, of not being taken seriously with the talent he’s studied to cultivate, and working for the funding and freedom to continue studying as murray has fought for continued funding and freedom for her school

and then there’s azune, who she’s taught same as demodus, and who has struggled on his own the same as demodus and she have. but his struggle ends with him aiming to be useful, it’s ended with him in a position of power (as much as being a magic cop under the thumb of a noble who has said azune should be afraid of him is holding some power), and murray doesn’t seem to see how hard that is for him, even when he says in no uncertain terms to her that he worries she hates him for his position in a corrupt system. it’s not until he’s devolving into a gasping panic in front of her begging for her help and saying he’s scared and can’t do this anymore that she sees that he’s truly, severely struggling with the burden he’s under.

and even then, she tells him he’s a boy scout, and one of the good ones, and that he has to keep going he has no choice. in the same breath that she’s telling him that demodus, who is only maybe 4 ot 5 years younger than him, is too young and innocent to risk, she’s telling azune that he is worth risking for the cause and he has to buck up and get over it. he has made his bed and must lie in it.

which is true, he has made this bed for himself, but only because he’s been living in this level of isolation where he only interacts with what passes for his support system when thjazi needs something from him, to the point where even thimble doesn’t know where he lives or if he has anything to go home to.

Accuse him of being the kind of person to tell someone to implant themselves somewhere for an uncertain future date? Sure, we've seen him do that to Casamir, Cyd and Azune.

Accuse him being the kind of person to keep secrets and tell people to do something without telling them why? Sure, he's done that to everyone at the table and we literally saw a flashback of him explaining why.