OK

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

Girl who is about to tell you the saddest fucking thing you've ever heard in your life: Okay so funny story actually, when I was a kid-

They should make a content label for ai posts like they do for mature content so I dont ever have to fucking look at it

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"

Making a cult and sometimes making them eat their own poop

Taking unsolicited photographs (if that's even illegal)

Apparently murdering a suicidal gay prince, overthrowing a god who’s also head of the government, literally just murdering the former country leaders (who are now rebel leaders) in retirement, prison break, and infrastructure destruction and loss of many lives cuz I happen to be related (siblings) to crude oil

human genocide and corrupting a heavenly official into overthrowing Heaven's council

Bunch of stuff, mostly stealing things, working for the government, working for a crime organisation, getting killed in space, etc.

illegal fishing?

I ate some horses

...coming first in a fashion show..???

...um...designing hotelrooms

Building pretty houses

launching a nuclear bomb at a defunct coal mine

being an exchange student in hell

Assisting in genocide