Moon River

Paul: Yeah let's push that competition off for later. I'm too busy not doing the things I'm supposed to

Paul: My day job may be acting, but my true passion is educating the youth 😌

Paul: truth ... and we cant be boring

Ana: I'm busy, trying not to spiral down into an existential crisis while I avoid doing literally anything

Ana: And we, the youth, are thankful for your service.

that’s exactly what i’m saying, mamacita. i need you to get drunk more often so i can learn about all the fun and weird items you have laying around the house. it’s like my own personal thrift store. anytime you want. i’m currently in canada shooting the last of us, so if you wanna make a trip up we can arrange a night out. i wouldn’t say they were all that phased by it honestly. i think most of them were already too drunk to notice.

Are you saying you’re using my drunk brain as a shopping assistant for free? Not sure I like that idea, mi cielo, but for you I’ll try. Hmm, I always wanted to try poutine— I might be able to arrange that, for how long are you in Canada for? How is The Last of Us going? My favorite type of people: drunks who don’t even know who’s buying drink for them, sounds like a magical night. For them, not so much for your wallet.

No way — I would freak out if you made that happen. I mean, he is a living legend. I would be forever in debt to you. Oh god, you are too much. Please, I’m sure he’ll find it very amusing. Since I won’t actually be present, I give you all the permission to blame it all on me. Are you serious? That just made my day. Especially coming from someone like you. Thank you so much babe. I take that to heart. — God yeah, I can imagine. It’s like “Yeah I’m in Bond” .. and then you think about it and you’re like what the fuck. You have forever bragging rights because of it. I loved seeing you and Daniel together in Knives Out, so I can only imagine the partnership will be just as good, if possibly even better in this one. You are — but also you deserve all of it. All of the success. You’re taking the world by storm and I for one, love to see it.

Consider it done, hell if I could, I’d have him deliver it himself but alas, a signature will have to suffice, the man is a busy bee. That’s okay, I doubt he thinks I’m cool anyways so not much damage will be done. Oh, thank you! You are so kind to me, I just wanna keep you and carry you everywhere I go. It is really mindblowing, to be with a cast like this in a movie like this, it is a dream come true in ever sense of the word. But why are we talking about me, when you`re literally superwoman and a supermodel? Please, teach me your ways.

I only have a few good drunk stories, but one of my friends seems to always do something wild when she’s drunk. This includes: drunkenly buying a kayak, drunkenly booking a holiday abroad when she’d never been abroad before, drunkenly bought a reindeer…. the list goes on and on. At this point, our friendship primarily consists of her telling me all the ridiculous shit she gets up to. Hey there, Ana! I’m George. 

A reindeer? I have many questions, George. How does one purchases a reindeer on the internet? Was it alive? Did it have a red nose and where other reindeers jealous of it? What happened to the reindeer? I believe this is fate and you must introduce me to this friend of yours, think of the chaos we’d create together. Hi, George, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this…. but one time when I was drunk and horny, I put like, ten different sex toys in my cart and next day shipped them to my house. Does that help you feel any less embarrassed? It better, I pulled that from the vault for you.

Depends. Where you leaving by yourself when this incident happened? or did your family had to receive ten sex toys out of nowhere on your name, to later on give them to you? I appreciate your sacrifice, my dear. It did helped me, greatly. 

He probably doesn’t even recognize you these days so. I don’t know maybe you could babysit him when I’m out of town here soon

Probably, but he wouldn’t recognise you either so we’re the same in the eyes of god. Okay, using my love for Dodger to get free babysitting services, I see. You are lucky he is so cute. Where are you heading at, Marvel boy?

Did you not get the memo that you’re not supposed to die? Ok that lame and totally sounded better in my head. Let’s just forget I said anything and I’ll be sure to stick to my day job. Earthworm jerky…? What the hell is that? Don’t tell me it’s made of real worms…

It got lost in the mail, postal service, you know? That or it was stolen and I really need 007′s help. Oh, earthworm jerky is a real thing, my friend and I am not a pessimist, but many scholars say, the future of our diets. Insects are very rich in protein and vitamins, there’s an abundance of it and shortage of other animal-based products/more people are learning how they get made... you see where I’m doing with this. 

A barrel of mustard? I couldn’t imagine what your friend ended up doing with that. That’s way too much mustard in my eyes. Yeah, very much a light weight here. Actually, the taste of beer does gross me out. If I do drink I end up sticking to the more fruity options which isn’t that often. If only I knew, my friend never explained and I never decided to google search it myself. I guess I was scared to find out. It is, you can find the weirdest shit on here if you are looking for it.

I don’t know, it gets worse when you learn she hates mustard, a strange girl but that’s why we love her. That makes sense, the taste of alcohol itself disgusts people some time, that is completely understandable. Do you have any drink that you prefer over the rest? Okay, I am googling this unicorn meat thing, because I hate being left without an answer, I will let you know what I find in my research and if I don`'t come back... take care of the Daniel Craig cutout for me.

Oh come on, just let your drunk self have a little fun. I mean, it’s bad for your money and your space, I get that, but it sounds so funny. At least for me. Okay, I’d love to hear from drunk Ana, she sounds like fun! Thank you! I like my name too, it’s unique. What was your favorite story?

Drunk me seems to know what the masses want, so I might just do that, start my very own shop off of stuff I buy when drunk, put the money to charity... I like this idea. You are welcome to meet drunk Ana any time you want, she’ll make an apparition for you. My favorite story thus far... Pedro told me he bought an entire bar drinks because he was drunk and being his incredibly self, ended up paying for everyone’s drinks. That sounds fun. I’ve also gotten a lot of dinosaurs, strangely enough. 

Dude, wine makes me feel like I’ve been steam-rolled, so I’m with you. Plus it kinda tastes like ass so the pay-off’s just not worth it. But also, don’t give me that age-card, you’re like six years older than me? I’ve dated someone old enough to be your mom, almost. You’re kidding? What…reason did they give? I literally can’t fathom why I’d ever want any of my exes watching me try and fail at hitting on my new date. This one time I had a Catholic girl ask if she could take me as her date to a family event because she was fighting with her super conservative family and I’m - well, I’m me - so I said yes, just to help fuck with ‘em and showed up in some outrageous outfit smoking a doob…turns out it was a funeral. She took me to her aunts funeral. That’s true, he’s gotta maintain some level of grooming-standard. More importantly, when are we going to Spring Break in Puerto Vallarta?

I mean... I don’t know what ass you’ve been tasting that reminds you of wine, Pete, but I kind of wanna know now. Well, I’ve dated people old enough to be... a few years younger than your grandpa, so you sure you wanna go there, Davidson? Don’t test me, I will date your grandpa. Their reasoning was their ex was their best friend and they needed them close, to see if I, and I kid you not, “meet their expectations”. Wanna know the worst part, Pete? I bought them both a drink and they left together, later on I found out they are about to get married. Life is crazy like that. Wait, hold on, hold on... She asked you on a date to a funeral? Ooof, that’s cold and messed up. Did you leave or did you stay, is the true question here. Hmmm, next spring break it’s you, me, and a bunch of 18 year olds getting drunk on diluted tequila, what do you think? 

I’m gonna need you to toss me one of those Nicholas Cage pillows, I need that to rest my head on when I’m rocking my son to sleep. All of that just sounds like a bunch of good investments that you should have zero regrets for. Hey there, Ana. I’m KJ, I don’t have any drunk purchases because I just buy the dumb things while I’m sober. Like the giant dinosaur that I have in my house.

Do you think your son will end up calling Nicholas Cage pappa? Because I need that recorded somewhere, if it happens and I am sending them to you for that reason alone. Congrats on your baby, by the way! How does it feel like, to be a dad? Hi KJ, I wanna learn more about this giant dinosaur you speak of. Is it just an ornament? Does it have any functionality? Is it made off plastic? Can you escalate it and go down from it while you yell Yabba-Dabba-Doo? So many questions, so little time.

That’s what I’m thinking too, so be prepared for a new best friend! Have you thought about getting a kitten at all? Because teaching one how to dance would be too much fun! Oh my god, I’m all in for having a wine party of sorts to see what other ridiculous items we can buy in each other’s company. Just imagine how amusing it’ll be when the packages show up! Girl, now you’re talking, especially if we’re adding the dancing in too! All for any excuse to dance.

I am more than ready and getting us friendship bracelets and matching chokers. I have, yes, but I travel too much, it wouldn’t be fair for a little kitten to have an absent human, you know? Okay, we need to actually make this happen, Olly. I want to buy three bottles of wine, watch two movies and get drunk with you just so we can online shopping ridiculous stuff, we may turn it into a full on tradition. Well, I am a competent dancer so I believe I can keep up with you so yes, let’s get the boas and glitter out, love.

I want Daniel Craig’s cutout cardboard, thanks. Although if he’s not in a suit, with his James Bond essence, then I don’t want it. And the Nicholas Cage pillows because… what. an. icon. The rest, I would say is what eBay is for, you can refund the money you spent or… maybe you should keep it as a reminder that you shall not use your phone while intoxicated. I’d recently came back from this pub, started to scroll down Instagram stories and saw this person cutting off the head of their Funko Pop and it had something hidden inside it, so I decided to buy one. By the time it arrived I didn’t want to cut it off, so I still have a Yoda Funko Pop without having seen the movies in my life.

Of course he is in a suit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the man without one. That or a fancy jumper, there is no in between, that man is a class act. Hmm, what if I tell you it’s a package deal? You must get at least the fake ‘stache in order to get Daniel Craig. To be fair, this is the less harmful thing I’ve done while intoxicated, so I am not that pressed about it. At least this one time I am not texting any ‘DON’T’ numbers, y’know? Did Yoda have anything inside that tiny, green head? Maybe you were trying the wrong species... I say next time you try a human. 

Paul: can definitely say i'd make the top ten score list for that one. "Paul" is actually short for "procrastination" in Polish.

Paul: don't look that up btw

Paul: hmm ... truth or dare?

Ana: Would we go toe to toe for #1? We may procrastinate actually finding out if we are, though. You learn something new every day, I will use this newly discovered Polish fact on my daily life from now on, Paul.

Ana: I trust you blindly.

Paul: alright so my flight's delayed another two hours so i've got all the time in the world to read, do some research, get some script work done, be really productive, etc ...

Paul: but i dont wanna

Paul: so can we play a game?

Ana: What better game than the game of procrastination, am I right?

Ana: I genuinely cannot complain, I have a script on my nightstand that arrived like, 4 days ago and I've been avoiding it.